i've got the cure for you


After 5 days of freedom from my last exam in early may, I kicked myself straight back into school for the summer and some massive volunteering. I am thoroughly excited in taking bio during this summer as I am really developing an interest in the material that’s being taught. The more I dive into the sciences, the more I am struck with awe of the whole complexity. Volunteering has been a thrill learning all the techniques and especially the jargon. My summer has been busy and exciting in the educational aspect but I am pushing myself towards exhaustion.

Rushing from one place to another, I’ve began to plan things around myself, a lot. It’s easy to justify your faults especially arriving late with such a tight schedule that you have made the effort because you did indeed ‘rush’. But really, the highest priority on the list is none other than yourself. It’s not far from a person that is self-absorbed.  It incredibly easy to get lost in your hectic schedule that you being to forget the meaning of all and your priorities. I think I almost lost sight of it until Ted pointed it out to me. Selfishness is one of the things that I struggle to admit because I am in a strong denial that I don’t care about others more than myself. Evolutionary speaking, it is inherent for us to be selfish for our own survival, the whole idea of ‘darwinian fitness’. That doesn’t cut it. Altruism does exist among those that may or may not be related with expected benefits for both parties. But I believe in selflessness that doesn’t involve calculating the costs and benefits and this is something that I’m trying to learn as a growing Christian. The more I analyze the little details of my life, I can see the little subtle things that I do and unknowingly do as a habit that really is selfish. As stubborn as I am sometimes to change when I am given the opportunities to learn selflessness, I am repenting and working on it.

I’m beginning to realize how important it is to take a day of Sabbath to really help recharge and put your life back into the right perspective. It’s a time to really let yourself tune out all of that noise in your life and really listen for His voice. As students, we’re so caught up and worried about our GPA  and planning our future career that our achievements become our worth. We become defined by our marks, wealth, our prestigious professions and successes. What is left of you when all of that is stripped away? Naked in shame? I am learning to not let myself be defined by my successes because I am not only setting my expectations on a higher pedestal but I’m creating this ‘SuperYi-Min’ that I begin to live by. Failing to achieve it will make you depressed, frustrated, and perhaps more driven to get it. What’s even worse is when your parents create this superwhatever for you and set this as your own goal. dYou will become exhausted, burned out, fall hard on your failures all to attain such an unhealthy and superficial goal. It’s beyond discouraging. Your superwhatever will kill you. The meaning of my life is not defined by my SuperYi-Min. Should yours?

“And the only way to not be killed by it is to shoot it first. Yes, that is what I meant to write. You have to kill your superwhatever. And you have to do it right now. Because your superwhatever will rob you of today and tomorrow and the next day until you take it out back and end its life. Go do it.” – Rob Bell from Velvet Elvis

Goodbye SuperYi-Min.

A summation of two weeks
April 9, 2008, 6:55 am
Filed under: the educated imagination | Tags:

During the last two weeks,

  • had an awesome extremely belated 17th birthday adventure from Ted.
  • during Ted’s plans I got a chance to take a picture and meet Evgeny Kissin, a Russian pianist. (Cries in a corner at Kissin’s awesomeness)
  • my adventure also happened to be my last day of fun so it was a good way to start off the hardcore studying month of april
  • been working hard and have consistently improved my work/study ethics
  • my schedule everyday has been as followed: wakeup, school, come home, snack, study, piano, study, dinner, piano, study, piano, study. It would explain why my fingers feel stiff and sore.
  • Continue reading

Equilibria and 惡作劇2吻
February 12, 2008, 10:12 am
Filed under: Dramas, the educated imagination | Tags: ,

Currently catching up chemical equilibrium readings and homework since I pretty much died according to everyone at school for almost a good week. It’s funny how that everyone’s first reaction when they see me in the halls now is “OMGOSH, you’re at school!” The interesting thing, according to one of my friend, is that teachers still like me even though they never see me in their classes. Every year I always have this phase where I’m just so bored of everything but magically turns better right after. I’d assume these past two months has been like that and now slowly climbing out of this little hole of mine. Now I really need to make sure I have some decent predicted marks for University or be prepared to face my mother’s wrath. Continue reading

to do
January 23, 2008, 8:18 am
Filed under: the educated imagination | Tags:

These last two weeks and next month is probably going to be one of the busiest months ever when IB assignments are finally.

  • chemistry exam in two days
  • english oral exam the next day
  • biology exam monday
  • work on extended essay
  • write up two chemistry labs
  • do all those math sheets (about a 1.5 weeks worth)
  • fix up tok essay
  • four pages due feb 1 for yearbook
  • scholarship application due feb 1
  • and lastly and most importantly, come up with something to swoon Ted

highly annoying.
December 14, 2007, 9:07 pm
Filed under: Rants, the educated imagination | Tags: ,

Around this time, I always get this feeling that I had ever since grade 8. This sense of boredom of going to school every single day, the same building, same classrooms, and same schedule.  Over the years, I haven’t thought as much about it hence I’ve been skipping less. I still remember Grade 9 being absent for 46 days in just first semester. Impressive for someone that was still able to maintain good grades. I think my dad’s logic really affected the way I looked at school, even up to now. Though this year, I have been working significantly harder than before. I’d like to blame the whole ‘IB syndrome’ as we call at VP but then that’s just pushing the limits.

I think I only have about 2-4 real friends at VP but most of the time, I often feel neglected, as if they don’t care nor even want to take the initiative to do anything. Maybe it just so happens my character isn’t like that and I seek reciprocity. It is in a way selfish but it does help differentiate the mature and immature. It’s not only disappointing to be treated like that, but also to each other. I want to leave this school as soon as I graduate and head to UT with my ‘brothers’. Not because I’m some form of social outcast here, it’s just somewhat annoying. Ted, it’s all your fault.