i've got the cure for you


BANG

After 5 days of freedom from my last exam in early may, I kicked myself straight back into school for the summer and some massive volunteering. I am thoroughly excited in taking bio during this summer as I am really developing an interest in the material that’s being taught. The more I dive into the sciences, the more I am struck with awe of the whole complexity. Volunteering has been a thrill learning all the techniques and especially the jargon. My summer has been busy and exciting in the educational aspect but I am pushing myself towards exhaustion.

Rushing from one place to another, I’ve began to plan things around myself, a lot. It’s easy to justify your faults especially arriving late with such a tight schedule that you have made the effort because you did indeed ‘rush’. But really, the highest priority on the list is none other than yourself. It’s not far from a person that is self-absorbed.  It incredibly easy to get lost in your hectic schedule that you being to forget the meaning of all and your priorities. I think I almost lost sight of it until Ted pointed it out to me. Selfishness is one of the things that I struggle to admit because I am in a strong denial that I don’t care about others more than myself. Evolutionary speaking, it is inherent for us to be selfish for our own survival, the whole idea of ‘darwinian fitness’. That doesn’t cut it. Altruism does exist among those that may or may not be related with expected benefits for both parties. But I believe in selflessness that doesn’t involve calculating the costs and benefits and this is something that I’m trying to learn as a growing Christian. The more I analyze the little details of my life, I can see the little subtle things that I do and unknowingly do as a habit that really is selfish. As stubborn as I am sometimes to change when I am given the opportunities to learn selflessness, I am repenting and working on it.

I’m beginning to realize how important it is to take a day of Sabbath to really help recharge and put your life back into the right perspective. It’s a time to really let yourself tune out all of that noise in your life and really listen for His voice. As students, we’re so caught up and worried about our GPA  and planning our future career that our achievements become our worth. We become defined by our marks, wealth, our prestigious professions and successes. What is left of you when all of that is stripped away? Naked in shame? I am learning to not let myself be defined by my successes because I am not only setting my expectations on a higher pedestal but I’m creating this ‘SuperYi-Min’ that I begin to live by. Failing to achieve it will make you depressed, frustrated, and perhaps more driven to get it. What’s even worse is when your parents create this superwhatever for you and set this as your own goal. dYou will become exhausted, burned out, fall hard on your failures all to attain such an unhealthy and superficial goal. It’s beyond discouraging. Your superwhatever will kill you. The meaning of my life is not defined by my SuperYi-Min. Should yours?

“And the only way to not be killed by it is to shoot it first. Yes, that is what I meant to write. You have to kill your superwhatever. And you have to do it right now. Because your superwhatever will rob you of today and tomorrow and the next day until you take it out back and end its life. Go do it.” – Rob Bell from Velvet Elvis

Goodbye SuperYi-Min.

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